Friday jokes

Little boy gets home from school and says "Dad, I've got a part in
the school play as a man who's been married for 25 years."
His Dad replies "Never mind Son. Maybe next time you'll get a speaking part!!"

The police came to my front door last night, holding a picture of my Wife. They said "Is
this your Wife Sir?" Shocked, I answered "Yes!".
They said "I'm afraid it looks like she's been in a car accident". I said
"I know but she has a lovely personality!"

Teacher asks class to put the word contagious in a sentence.
Ron says "The measles are contagious".
Katie says "There is a bug going round and it's contagious"
Little Johnny says "My neighbour's painting his house with a 2
inch
brush and Dad says it will take the contagious!!"

Lost my job as a lifeguard yesterday.
Apparently refusing a Muslim entry to the pool whilst tapping the "No bombing"
sign isn't the done thing.

Man walks into WH Smith and says "Do you have the new self-help book for men with really small dicks?"
Girl says "I dont think its in yet"
He replies "Yeah, thats the one!!!"



-Posted by H. Sweaty