MARTIN GREEN: Another one of the woodhall eight, yet to establish the wins his handicap (banditry) predicts. Plays away more than at home. Only still in the club so we get the new honours boards engraved. Pairs specialist.
KEVIN INGOLD: Son of Budda, hard to judge his form as he plays barely more than his father. Lucky golfer as his eagle on stroke index one on the green course will justify. Needs to control his power-fade (wild slice) to have chance here.
PAT JOYCE;Probationer Capt Joey spent April banned due to over indulgence so form is a mystery.May have to lengthen his swing to have a chance.
TIM LIDDINGTON: Only invited as no-one wanted to share a room with no-dough. Now no-dough is not coming why is Tim still coming? We will have to invite Steve Gilbert now to share with Tim. Favourite for any poker played.
DOUGIE MALCOLM: Since joining the real world of PAYE not seen on the course midweek so much these days, hitting more duff shots in his back garden. Issues with wardrobe, picking up golf clothing from everywhere, including skips, now known as Stig, not for his penchant for fast cars a la Top Gear’ but Stig of the dump for his accumulation of tat.DARREN MATTHEWS: Shandy drinking Scratch winner, mind you the rest of the field contained an amputee, Steve Delarge, a blind man and his dog. Most likely to push in and cherry-pick his playing partners. Must go close.
TREVOR SOUTER: Ring-leader of the dubious handicap committee. Last year’s winner celebrated in style by taking his wife to the Pelican for a Curry and a Pint for a fiver. Might need to concentrate a bit more on his own game than everyone else has to repeat last year’s success.
CHRIS THOMAS;Senior Citizen Chris is the oldest man in the field.Not sure how he’s going to cope without JC and TK,probably with plenty of G and T.Late entry into the field,which is what he might get if his roommate has one too many in the bar.
KEITH WILLIAMS: Showed his intension by entering the scratch, unfortunately got beaten by the blind man’s dog. Wins at a society day at Silvermare and a Friday swindle.Gives hope for the slingshot specialist, lots of shots to play with.
NON RUNNERS;
JOHN HURLEY; Impending fatherhood has given John a new personality to go along with the two he already has.John is soon to be leaving us moving to the countryside to breed lovely wovely bunny rabbits and grow rhubarb and alphabet spaghetti.
STEWART MALCOLM: Rumours are Stewart us getting back into the golf industry, but not as powerful sales rep for the leading brands. No our stew is now part time range ball collector at silvermare, supplementing his income. If this does not work out he’s considering becoming financial advisor to Lester Piggott. Golf remains shit and is favourite only for CNUT.
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