JOHN ALVEY: Best mates happy and grumpy confirm that John is in good form for this one, but he himself chooses to disagree, remaining grounded (literally closer to the ground than most). John does expect a place, for reward for his straight hitting, and with his new 35inch broom handle putter, He could be the new best putter in the club.
STEVE ALVEY: chat amongst the men is that Steve’s recent step on to the property ladder was helped by his dad. But now he wants his ladder back due to being vertically challenged. Laying down his roots may see Steve with a disciplined golf game, and yet should play with zeal after a long layoff.
JOHN BRISTOW: Hairy John hasn’t been this excited since this competition last year and before that it was his wedding night. Expect this year’s competition to be like the wedding night and finish prematurely. John to have shot his bolt by the turn.
PAUL BRYANT: Struggling to capture his form of two seasons ago, but with his thin to win game may have an outside chance, part of the attractive handicap committee, if he walks the course before playing odds will tumble
JON BYFORD: Played in the West Sussex invitation shouldn’t have bothered. Won nothing. Only one of the SGH quarter to come away empty handed. No surprises really considering his history of CNUT trophy wins second only to the legendary krankie No1 outsider.
STEVE CHURCH: Temperament could be his downfall, with no son jack there to keep him in check, anything could happen, most likely to break a club. If he keeps his mobile on silent must have a chance.
DARREN CLUTTERBUCK; Recent winner of the Martin Cup.That will be his lot no chance here. May sneak in a hole in one with his roomy after 15 Maggies.
GERRY CORR: Jezza to his best mate Steve from Sunningdale. More travelled than Judith Chalmers, sorry uglier than Judith Chalmers (elephant man comes to mind).Best secretary since Paul Graham, needs to do a lot more and be considerably more organised to be on a par with Paul. Twice winner of this trophy will be in the frame.
TERRY CROUCHER: Our Tel still remains puzzled by the alphabet, not being able to get past A. Never one to complain, despite being Reeves bed partner, Tel considers himself a good bet for today. So much he approached the handicap committee to return those favourite shots he was given not so long ago. Keep it straight.
PAUL CUNNINGHAM: J.T. is my hero!!! What more needs to be said, his hero the adulterous, cheating, lying racist with a drug dealing father and shoplifting mother. A role model for kids of today. Like his hero slicey’s form is not as good as it used to be, don’t be surprised if he urinates in the bar. Can’t see him winning, maybe chance of a place.
PETER DALY: Honest Arfur was disqualified at the West Sussex invitation, failure to remember his own name being his downfall in a five shot victory. One of the woodhall eight (all of them guilty). Will be one of the favourites here.
ALAN DAY: Recent lifetime ambition achieved – entry in the Sunday Times Rich List. Property tycoon/Racing magnate now mentioned in the same breath as J P McManus. Reported to have spent the winter reclusively in the Caribbean, hobnobbing with Branson as he was not to be seen at SGH. Goes well fresh and should do well with a place chance.
STEVE DELARGE: Not too worried about the golf as long as there’s a wedding party at the hotel with particular affections for the bride’s grandmother. Recent handicap re-evaluation confirmed long term banditry and a slashing was duly administered.
VINCE FANNING: Since last away day, Cilla has had an exhaustive search of internet dating sites with limited success; rumours are next step is mail order brides. This former low handicapper is now almost double figures and so would suggest great value for an each way bet.
COLIN FRANCIS: Was a doubt for this event as the ‘All England Croquet team’ had enquired as to his availability. Not staying overnight – concern as to the quality of the hotel pillows compared to the bosom available at home. His golf however remains consistent, Can’t win here though.
DAVE GESTO: Uses the same barbers as John Hurley, Bobby Charlton cut a speciality. Big Dave still not caught by the handicapper. With film star looks, has panto part in Cinderella. Still wearing schoolboy trousers for golf, let’s hope he does not make too many errors on course.